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Message from Pat

Building Relationship Trust

Your Move

Recommended Reads

Hot Links!

Quote For Your Day!


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Message from Pat

"Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him, and to let him know that you trust him."

~ Booker T. Washington

It no longer surprises me that the topics I select for this ezine are ones that a lot of my clients are working on, and for that matter, so am I.

Trust is reliance on the integrity and justice of a person; confident expectation of something; hope. It is the obligation or responsibility imposed on one in whom confidence or authority is placed: a position of trust. To permit to be in some place, position, etc., or to do something, without fear of consequences.

Trust is one of the most important elements in a relationship. It is the foundation of healthy relationships and without it, there is no relationship. It is critical. It is the belief that the other's intentions are good. It is the believe they are saying what they are saying for the sake of bringing openness and honest communication to the relationship. To better the relationship. To grow trust.

Trust allows us to enter into a relationship with another (or more than just one other, as in committees or teams). Trust allows us to discuss openly and air our dirty laundry. It allows us to speak up, debate, dialog and not be fearful of reprisal.

Some people who have problems trusting have beliefs such as:

  • I have been hurt in the past, and I refuse to be hurt again.
  • People are out to get all they can from you.
  • As soon as you let your guard down, you will be stepped on again.
  • No one is to be trusted.
  • There is no such thing as a fair employer, generous company, or supportive work place!
  • It is better to live alone for the rest of my life than to risk being hurt as I was!
  • I will never let you know my true feelings again since, if I do open up, I'm afraid you will use them against me to hurt me!

Someone once shared the following exercise with me to work on trust issues.

Letter writing: Write a letter to the person (or team or institution) you have problems trusting. List your reasons for the lack of trust. List the feelings and beliefs that block your trust. Ask the person to understand and assist you in this problem. Tell the person what you are willing to do and to commit to in order to change this situation.

Once you have written the letter you have three choices: (1) send it, (2) save it, or (3) rip it up and throw it away. No matter what your choice is, you have spent the time to think out this problem and have identified your feelings, beliefs, and the behavior involved. You have come closer to trusting whether it be this particular person or one in the future.

"Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do."

~ Benjamin Spock

Step into leading and play a Bigger Game in your life…don't wait…model leadership…the World needs us to do this.

Lead strong!


Building Relationship Trust

Relationship trust is all about behavior…consistent behavior.

It's all about learning how to interact with others in ways that increase trust and avoid interacting in ways that destroy it.

The following behaviors are excerpted from Stephen Covey's book "The Speed of Trust." They are ways you can enhance your ability to establish trust in all relationships – both personal and professional.

I challenge you to select just one or two of these behaviors and apply them consistently over the next 30 days and watch what happens to your relationships.

  • Talk Straight: Tell the truth and leave the right impression

  • Demonstrate Respect: Genuinely care for others. Respect the dignity of every person and every role.

  • Create Transparency: Tell the truth. Get real and genuine. Don't have hidden agendas and don't hide information.

  • Right Wrongs: Make things right when you're wrong. Apologize quickly.

  • Show Loyalty: Give credit freely. Acknowledge the contributions of others. Speak about people as if they were present.

  • Deliver Results: Get the right things done. Make things happen.

  • Get Better: Continuously improve. Be a constant learner. Develop feedback systems – both formal and informal.

  • Confront reality: Address the thought stuff directly. Acknowledge the unsaid. Lead out courageously in conversation.

  • Clarify Expectations: Disclose and reveal expectations. Discuss them. Validate them.

  • Practice Accountability: Hold yourself accountable. Hold others accountable. Take responsibility for results.

  • Listen First: Listen before you speak. Understand. Diagnose. Listen with your ears – and your eyes and heart.

  • Keep Commitments: Say what you're going to do, then do what you say you're going to do.

  • Extend Trust: Demonstrate a propensity to trust. Extend trust abundantly to those who have earned your trust.

Your Move

As you're reading this, you're life's getting shorter.
It's ticking away.

I'm not saying this to frighten you. Or even scare you.
Though it may.

I'm saying this to you to awaken you.
To inspire you.

To rise you out of you're deep slumber.
To really know you won't live forever.
To share your unique gifts.
To ignite your great inner fire.

To ignite your great inner strength.
To ignite your great inner light.
To shine. Brightly shine.
To ignite your great inner beauty.

To motivate. Yourself and others.
To love. Yourself and others.

To paint.
To write.
To teach.
To innovate.
To sing.
To dance.
To care.
To feel.
To listen.
To learn.
To laugh.

The clock's ticking. The world needs you.

Make your move.

~ Mike Litman

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Recommended Reads with links to

Hot Links!

By now, I am sure you've heard about 'The Secret' whether on the Oprah show, Larry King Live or elsewhere. The Secret is all about The Law of Attraction. If you haven't seen it yet, you can check it out at

The latest sleeper movie that is getting a lot of people talking is called, The Peaceful Warrior. Fre*e movie tickets were available for March 30 - April 1, but I think they may all be taken by now. Check out the trailer, cast (including Nick Nolte) and some acclaimed testimonials such as Sting, Tony Robbins, and others.

Here's what the singer Sting had to say about The Peaceful Warrior:

"A lot of movies promise happiness, but most often it's the 'fleeting' happiness of a thrill ride, and when it's over, it's over; you feel empty, and begin searching for the next thrill. Very few movies actually question what happiness is, or suggest ways that it can be sustained.

Peaceful Warrior asks this question and in doing so takes you out of your mind, and those who would consider themselves sane would be 'out of their minds' not to see it. Peaceful Warrior is an important film, an inspiring film, and a film that could change lives."

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"Quote For Your Day!"

"You will soon be discovered…hide."

~ Found in a Fortune Cookie

I send out a "Quote for Your Day!" on a daily basis. If you'd like to start your day with a bit of inspiration and sometimes a laugh, sign up for the daily quote by sending a blank e-mail to with "Quote" in the subject line.

Until next time, I wish you joy and fun and ease and effortlessness!

Pat Obuchowski
CEO, Chief Empowerment Officer

Helping people step into their roles as leaders in their businesses, their communities and the world. Helping people and organizations find their "Bigger Game™".

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© 2007 Pat Obuchowski, All rights reserved. You are free to use material from the "Live with Intention" eZine in whole or in part, as long as you include complete attribution, including live Web site link. Please also notify me where the material will appear. The attribution should read:

"By Pat Obuchowski of inVisionaria."

Brief Biography:

Pat Obuchowski is the CEO (Chief Empowerment Officer) of inVisionaria. inVisionaria is a company devoted to helping people and organizations find and achieve their vision and their voice. She works with individuals and organizations that are looking for structure, focus and accountability to set and achieve their goals. She also works with people who are ready to make big changes in their businesses and their lives and step into the leaders they've been yearning to be. People who are ready, willing and able to begin playing their "Bigger Game." No kidding. Right now.

The approach to achieve this and create this alliance is individually based and is designed between Pat and each of her clients.


"Pat made the whole experience of being coached fun. At the end of each session I felt more hopeful and motivated to take charge of my goals and go after them. Whether it was helping me organize my desk or plan my next career move, she asked excellent questions and made me feel supported and challenged--just the combination I needed!"

~ M.L., Executive Director of a Non-Profit


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