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Message from Pat

Emotional Intelligence Quotient

The Ideal Self: Where Change Begins


Recommended Reads

Upcoming Workshop Offerings

Quote For Your Day!

Message from Pat

"When dealing with people, remember that you are not dealing with creatures of logic but creatures of emotion."

- Dale Carnegie

I've been hearing a lot about 'Emotional Intelligence' (EI) for the past few years and finally decided it was time to take a look at what this is. I understand Intelligence…it's the aptitude for grasping truths, facts and meaning, our ability to learn. Your IQ is fixed from birth. You don't get smarter by learning new facts or information. IQ was explored as a quick method of separating average performers from excellent ones. It was soon discovered that there were limitations in this approach. Many people were incredibly intelligent at reading, writing and arithmetic, but limited by their ability to manage their behavior and get along well with others. They also found people who excelled in life, despite having average intelligence. EI is a flexible skill that can be readily learned. That's the good news! That's why this is important to leaders.

"Emotions have taught mankind to reason."

- Lucde Vauvenargues

Descriptions of emotional intelligence are as old as accounts of human behavior.

Bradberry and Greaves has found that in both testaments of the Bible to the Greek philosophers, Shakespeare, Thomas Jefferson, and modern psychology, the emotional aspect of reason has been discussed as a fundamental element of human nature.

People who hone their emotional intelligence have the unique ability to flourish where others flounder. EI defines how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions that achieve positive results.

There are four skills that together make up emotional intelligence. Self-awareness and self-management are the skills that are about you and these capabilities determine how we manage ourselves. Social awareness and relationship management are more about how you are with other people. These are the capabilities that determine how we manage relationships.

What these readings have confirmed in my leadership is that resonant leaders – whether CEOs or managers, coaches or politicians – excel not just through intelligence (skills and smarts), but by connecting with others using EI competencies like empathy and self-awareness.

And we can get better at EI…that's the good news! We can actually learn to be better leaders in our families, neighborhoods, communities and even the World!

"The end of understanding is not to prove and find reasons, but to know and believe."

- Thomas Carlyle

Step into leading with Emotional Intelligence…don't wait…model leadership…the World needs us to do this.

Lead strong!


Emotional Intelligence Quotient

Emotional Intelligence Quotient, or EQ, is also about how you use your knowledge and skills. The knowledge is emotional rather than rational/logical. Emotional Intelligence considers how well people understand themselves and others, and then applies that understanding to better manage both intra-personal and inter-personal interactions.

While different Emotional Intelligence models are still being used, the core features are very similar:

  1. understanding yourself
  2. managing yourself
  3. understanding others
  4. managing your relationships

Understanding Yourself

Understanding yourself, self-knowledge, includes knowing both your strengths and your flat sides. You have to know the areas in which you have still more work to do, what hits your hot buttons, and where you aren't as effective as you'd like to be. As you acknowledge who you are and what you can do -- or not do as the case may be -- your confidence will grow and you'll be less likely to be undone by negative comments, false praise, or unwarranted criticism.

In a work setting, you'll find you're open to feedback, curious, ready to learn new ideas and areas of work, and can question what is known and not known. Acknowledging what you do/don't know means you can begin to manage yourself more effectively through both your strengths and limitations.


The core feature of self-management is responsibility, i.e. the ability to respond, rather than react, or worse, repeat previous damaging actions. Self-management is future- focused behavior based on choice. It means you hold yourself accountable for what you have chosen to do.

Paradoxically, as you take more responsibility for what you do, whether the choices are effective or ineffective, your personal power increases. You're no longer under the control of others. By responding from choice, you determine how you feel and what you do, regardless of how well others treat you or what they say about you or your work.

At work this manifests in taking more initiative, acting with an eye to the future, rather than hanging back. You're proactive instead of reactive. You become more resilient because you stop waiting for others to fix things and start acknowledging you can choose to change. Your optimism increases as you see greater opportunities. In addition, your stress diminishes as you acknowledge your ability to make choices for yourself. Interestingly, even unpleasant or difficult assignments are easier to accept when you acknowledge that you chose to take them on.

You always have a choice. You can't choose the event, but you can certainly choose how you will handle it.

Understanding Others

No one can deny there are people who share attributes. They may be either task or people oriented, They may be analytical or sensitive. They may be high-energy dynamos or low-energy plodders. They may understand situations and make decisions quickly or prefer to keep the issue open until all the factors have been examined. They may have either an internal or external locus of control and attention. More likely, they will have a combination of these attributes.

When you practice by paying close attention to other people's patterns of behavior and speech, as well as their reactions and interactions with others, it can be all you need to start understanding them.

At work, when you have a better understanding of others, what makes them who they are (their personal style), what's important to them (motivating factors), and their ability to be empathetic and interested in others, will go a long way toward developing your Understanding of Others ability. My clients find it also increases their perceived leadership and management abilities, enhances the service they provide to clients and customers, and helps them honor larger commitments This results in increased profitability and productivity not just for yourself, but for the whole organization.

Managing Relationships

Managing relationships requires the skills and awareness developed from Understanding of Self, Understanding Others, and Managing Yourself. When you put these skills in service to the larger goals of an organization, your team or your own career, you can be seen as a change catalyst, a person of influence, interested and involved in the development of others. You'll start to develop your own model for resolving conflict, developing a collaborative team, and riding the give-and-take of a successful manager and leader, regardless of your official position.

Managing relationships becomes an increasingly important factor in both individual and organizational success the higher you rise on your career ladder.

Excerpts from: "Emotional Intelligence: It's Not Just "How Are You Feeling?" Dr. Pat Wiklund. Full article and contact information at:

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The Ideal Self: Where Change Begins

Connecting with one's dreams releases one's passion, energy, and excitement about life. In leaders, such passion can arouse enthusiasm in those they lead. The key is uncovering our ideal self – the person you would like to be, including what you want in your life and work. That is the 'first discovery' of the self-directed learning process. Developing that ideal image requires a reach deep inside to one's gut level. You know you have touched it when you feel suddenly passionate about the possibilities your life holds.

To begin – or sustain- real development in emotional intelligence, you must first engage that power of your idea self. There's a simple reason: Changing habits is hard work. One need only think back to one's successes or failures with New Year's resolutions to find ample evidence of this. Whenever people try to change habits of how they think and act, they must reverse decades of learning that resides in heavily traveled, highly reinforced neural circuitry, built up over years of repeating that habit. That's why making lasting change requires a strong commitment to a future vision of oneself – especially during stressful times or amid growing responsibilities.

From: Primal Leadership: Realizing the power of Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, Richard Boyatzis, Annie McKee.


I am looking for people who are playing 'Bigger Games' in their lives. A 'game' is defined as 'what you are up to' in your life. A 'bigger game' is at a higher level and has some distinct elements.

A Bigger Game:

  • Is something that requires you to evolve, to add new competencies, to become a new leader.
  • Means you are focused on a higher purpose rather than on yourself.
  • Feeds a hunger that most human beings experience; a hunger for a meaningful life, one that has impact.
  • Serves a higher, more compelling purpose. It is not about you.
  • Has an impact on the greater community.
  • Is one that cannot be played alone.

If you know of anyone (even you!) that is playing a 'Bigger Game' in their lives, please contact me. I am interested in talking with them and writing about their story.

Recommended Reads with links to

"Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ" by Dan Goleman

"Primal Leadership: Realizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goleman, Richard Boyatzis and Annie McKee

"Emotional Intelligence Quick Book: Everything you need to know to put your EQ to Work" by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves

Upcoming Workshop Offerings

PSSSSST...Hey...You There...YES, You!
Are you a leashed woman?
  • Do you feel held back?
  • Do other people's assumptions have you tethered?
  • Do your beliefs limit your range of self-expression?
  • Do you hide your full personality at work and elsewhere?

If you answered YES to even one of these questions, now ask yourself:

What if you were given tools to cut the chains that bind you? 
What would life be like as a..."WOMAN UNLEASHED™"?  

Woman Unleashed™
Discover the answers in a 1-day experiential workshop offered by Certified Professional Life Coaches and 'Bigger Game' Coaches Ileana Kane and myself.

Set yourself free and step into your full unique power!

DATE:  Saturday, February 18, 2006
TIME:  Registration  9:30 a.m.
WORKSHOP  10:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.
PLACE: Sainte Claire Hotel, 302 South Market Street, San Jose, Ca 95113
COST:  $80
REGISTER:  Online:
BY MAIL :  Return coupon at the bottom of:

QUESTIONS:  Ileana Kane 925.735.7417
Pat Obuchowski 650.245.0321

Plan for a delicious day of surprise and delight!


Women Seeing Beyond Today Conference!

Want a great way to start your New Year? 
Register for the 2nd annual "Women Seeing Beyond Today" Conference at  

 It will be held on Saturday, March 25, 2006 at the South San Francisco Conference Center, at 255 South Airport Blvd. in South San Francisco. This year's theme is "Rocking the World and Leaving a Legacy!"   

The registration fee is ONLY $75.00!  This includes breakfast, lunch and a reception in addition to a rocking day of over 20 great and inspiring speakers!

This conference is for women of all ages who are looking for changes in their professional and/or personal lives or seeking inspiration to rock their world and leave their legacy.

More information at:


Bigger Game Workshops: Has something been calling you? Maybe a whisper, a tug, or a knowing there is something bigger waiting for you…possibly something your soul has been craving. The Bigger Game is a dynamic interactive workshop that naturally calls 'the better you' yet to be expressed. Come let your Bigger Game Player come out to lead and experience the fun and excitement of having a Bigger Game to Play.
April 1-3, 2006 in San Mateo, CA.
Call me for more information at 650-245-0321.

"Quote For Your Day!"

"When I was a young, I wanted to change the world. I found it difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation.

When I found I couldn't change my nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn't change the town and as I got older, I tried to change my family.

Now that I am old, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family and I could have made an impact on the town. Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world."

- Author Unknown

I send out a "Quote for Your Day!" on a daily basis. If you like to think (and sometimes laugh), sign up for the daily quote by sending a blank e-mail to with "Quote" in the subject line.

Until next time, I wish you joy and fun!

Pat Obuchowski
CEO, Chief Empowerment Officer

Helping people step into their roles as leaders in their businesses, their communities and the world. Helping people find their "Bigger Game."

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© 2006 Pat Obuchowski, All rights reserved. You are free to use material from the "Live with Intention" eZine in whole or in part, as long as you include complete attribution, including live web site link. Please also notify me where the material will appear. The attribution should read:

"By Pat Obuchowski of inVisionaria."

Brief Biography
Pat Obuchowski is the CEO (Chief Empowerment Officer) of inVisionaria. inVisionaria is a company devoted to helping people and organizations find and achieve their vision and their voice. She works with individuals and organizations that are looking for structure, focus and accountability to set and achieve their goals. She also works with people who are ready to make big changes in their businesses and their lives and step into the leaders they've been yearning to be. People who are ready, willing and able to begin playing their "Bigger Game." No kidding. Right now.
The approach to achieve this and create this alliance is individually based and is designed between Pat and each of her clients.

Testimonial: "Pat and I have worked together and I know her and her style, and highly recommend her. I think anyone would really enjoy her as a person, and greatly benefit from her professionalism and expertise."

- HR Director


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